i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
