He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
