His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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