peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
