we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
