you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
