She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
