i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
