whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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