It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
