i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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