woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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