I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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