How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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