Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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