screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
