saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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