You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
