i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
