If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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