I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
