Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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