Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
