ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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