She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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