Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
