Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
