I just made out with a guy for $7.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
