he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
