btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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