you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So squirting runs in the family.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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