Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
