in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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