dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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