and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you never un-have a 4some
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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