Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
