I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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