cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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