If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
