As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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