im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
