The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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