Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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