Need sex. Gaining weight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
