My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm both gender and math confused
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
