In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
