apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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