He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
