Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize