I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
