i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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