i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize