i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
