but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
