guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
