did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
