forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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