Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
