I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
