I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
