Cold hands, warm shart.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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