sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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