Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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