Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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