Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
