NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
