Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
