I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize