didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
