i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
