You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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