Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
